I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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