so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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