As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
