I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
