I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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