so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
