All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
