The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
