Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
