I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
