My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
