Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
