Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
