Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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