First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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