allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
