She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
