Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
