I hope mine doesn't look like that
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
