I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
