Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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