I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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