So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
