Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
