Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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