He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
