i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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