Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
