Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
