you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
