I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
