ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
