Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
