Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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