I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's the barista slut.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
