Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
