So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
