connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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