Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
kristin has been a bad kristin
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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