Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
