I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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