my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
