i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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