Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
