i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
