the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
