I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Drunk is not a location!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
