I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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