If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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