My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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