Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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