I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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