I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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