I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
